tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post5857285320198480921..comments2024-03-12T05:08:14.436-04:00Comments on Read. wRite. Ramble.: AFTER THE BLOOD BATHAJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05856184020625392516noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-32936984530480006092010-07-25T04:08:01.131-04:002010-07-25T04:08:01.131-04:00Lol, Charli. I will. Give me a few weeks until the...Lol, Charli. I will. Give me a few weeks until the madness settles. Kids will be back in school and I'll have eased into the uni semester by then.<br />Hugs!!Zee Monodeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03709226882459365836noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-14262639382412180162010-07-24T09:01:46.026-04:002010-07-24T09:01:46.026-04:00Thanks Zee! Feel free to offer up something of you...Thanks Zee! Feel free to offer up something of yours...Muah ha ha haAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06732854288433860194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-23339278412853295562010-07-24T05:28:45.564-04:002010-07-24T05:28:45.564-04:00I posted a comment yesterday on your tear-up piece...I posted a comment yesterday on your tear-up piece but it didn't come though.<br /><br />Better luck to me next time. Loved the story, btw. Really grabs at heartstrings.Zee Monodeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03709226882459365836noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-27168217464285811932010-07-23T21:23:38.471-04:002010-07-23T21:23:38.471-04:00Woot! DARES! I love them :-) Ya'll will get a ...Woot! DARES! I love them :-) Ya'll will get a chance to rip me one . . . eventually! Muha ha ha.AJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05856184020625392516noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-26954742328368117082010-07-23T20:29:53.779-04:002010-07-23T20:29:53.779-04:00BTW, Tammy has offered up the first page of her MS...BTW, Tammy has offered up the first page of her MS, Monster Mine, for next week's course. I bet JAWS will be nice and hungry by then. I can't wait. I sure hope Tammy is ready for he Mighty Jaws...I got your back sweetie but I only go so far with her. Charli isn't scared of much, but a hungry JAWS, I shudder. <br /><br />If any of you are brave enough, email them to us...I double doggie dare ya!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06732854288433860194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-38190599463707762972010-07-23T20:22:02.959-04:002010-07-23T20:22:02.959-04:00The cleaner, huh? I could adopt that. LOL.The cleaner, huh? I could adopt that. LOL.Catherine Gaylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05830640955594808304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-57694221805281068872010-07-23T18:42:36.675-04:002010-07-23T18:42:36.675-04:00get out me head woman!get out me head woman!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06732854288433860194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-16644392507944777732010-07-23T18:42:10.080-04:002010-07-23T18:42:10.080-04:00WOOT Catherine, thanks! You should be the cleaner....WOOT Catherine, thanks! You should be the cleaner. We all tore through this pro like a gazillion times, my cp's and I. LOL. Good catches.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06732854288433860194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-13497670192321458522010-07-23T18:39:38.241-04:002010-07-23T18:39:38.241-04:00Catherine, you're a FANTASTIC critique partner...Catherine, you're a FANTASTIC critique partner! Kudos, ye rock, lassie!<br /><br />If anyone - who hasn't read BGA -is interested in what actually happened to Miguel sitting on the beach, hop over to http://charlimac.viviti.com/ - She has up to Chapter 3 posted for download in PDFAJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05856184020625392516noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-85532259531684299032010-07-23T18:38:26.990-04:002010-07-23T18:38:26.990-04:00Thanks everyone, it means heaps. It goes to show t...Thanks everyone, it means heaps. It goes to show that good CRITTING means everything. Learning from it and applying it, doing the work yourself. To all my ROCKIN CP's and my BETA's THANKS. :) Now, go to my website and see what happens when the doorbell rings and their night is shot to hell. Chapter 1 opens with Mig in the chair, remembering. I hope you like how that evolved too. http://charlimac.comAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06732854288433860194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-36201522179414170142010-07-23T18:35:25.938-04:002010-07-23T18:35:25.938-04:00Much better action to start us off, and I feel muc...Much better action to start us off, and I feel much more connected than before. I still think there are some sentence-level things that could be cleared up and improved upon. Your second sentence, for example, could be more concise if you shorted it to "Heartless, perhaps, but no less true," which would eliminate the fuzzy nature of "it."<br /><br />Later in the prologue, you have "yet it endures," but it is unclear what the "it" is referring to. I assume flowers?<br /><br />In the final paragraph of the prologue, I feel like you have an overuse of commas.<br /><br />When we get into the first chapter, there are little things like "Dave Matthews live at Radio City Music Hall filled the room," and I'm left wondering if they are AT Radio City Music Hall hearing Dave Matthews live, or if they are in some room somewhere, listening to an album. Looking back, I see that we're in Philadelphia, but you still don't want that sort of ambiguity.<br /><br />Also, if you have a they or a their, you have more than one, and so you will have multiple gazes, not a single gaze.<br /><br />Woodwork is a single word, not two separate words.<br /><br />But as you can tell from what I had to say, these are all sentence-level concerns. Everything else? Great.Catherine Gaylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05830640955594808304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-10171251422529503492010-07-23T18:27:33.269-04:002010-07-23T18:27:33.269-04:00Great revision, Charli!Good job!Great revision, Charli!Good job!Martha Ramirezhttp://www.martzbookz.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-91826921444371856702010-07-23T18:26:57.352-04:002010-07-23T18:26:57.352-04:00Charli girl I loved this story. I felt every emoti...Charli girl I loved this story. I felt every emotion you put out there. Your characters pulled at my heart strings. I laughed and cried with them. Not many stories do that to me. You do have a way with words Charli girl. I can't wait to read Paddy's story next. I would definitely read Grace again. Good Job!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-27771130940714391702010-07-23T17:41:58.371-04:002010-07-23T17:41:58.371-04:00I've critted the hell out of this, but you kno...I've critted the hell out of this, but you know what? I could read BGA all over again. Thanks ladies! :-)AJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05856184020625392516noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-66060802285285392802010-07-23T17:39:50.650-04:002010-07-23T17:39:50.650-04:00Holy doodle. Unreal. The emotion got me right off!...Holy doodle. Unreal. The emotion got me right off! Fantastic writing, C.<br />BrendaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-19675506860769442202010-07-23T17:08:10.196-04:002010-07-23T17:08:10.196-04:00A.R. - what a way you have with words. That's...A.R. - what a way you have with words. That's exactly the way I felt when I read it. Great job Charli!<br />AnneNA.E. Noblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13075795669783880285noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343503076555756967.post-62119626373644949862010-07-23T16:59:33.613-04:002010-07-23T16:59:33.613-04:00Wow, way different and much cleaner. ;) Grabs you ...Wow, way different and much cleaner. ;) Grabs you right from the start and kind of shoves a knife into your heart. Gets you thinking and does what it ought to, makes you want to read more.<br /><br />I dunno, could it be better?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com