HAPPY FESTIVUS ONE AND ALL!
Aspiring Author Charli Mac's Airing of Grievances
1. To every agent who rejected me with a form-FYI, I wasn't all that into you either, in case I didn't let you know that.
2. To my WIP, my first MS, the bane of my existence- Make up your mind already and let me know when you have decided to be complete. You are an annoying wench and at this point, much like my cousin Wendy, you will never get hitched (signed).
4. To my muse- Crack is whack, hugs not drugs, you booze you lose, and that's not glue you've been sniffing. You need to join Lindsay Lohan in Rehab.
5. To my laptop- Thanks for having the Internet so readily available for me to NOT WRITE! You enable the Muse's procrastination and fuel her ADHD. Good one. You've figured out that if I finish this book and get signed YOU are getting replaced. You machines are getting too smart.
6. To the fellow author I met at that thing-Thanks for reminding me how tough the market is and that my premise has little chance of being picked up. I hope you get crabs.
7. To my husband- Thanks for asking me if I've made money yet on this "hobby". That's like me asking you if your middle aged-overweight football team will ever win a game.
8. To my daughter, aka, The Tweener- Thanks for rolling your eyes, stomping your feet, and slamming your door every time you asked where dinner was. I was in the middle of typing very important scenes. It's called Easy Mac for a reason.
9. To my dog- Thanks for barking, whining, and licking yourself every time I was on a roll. I should've let them ice you at the pound.
10. To that agent who sent me a cut & pasted, poorly written form rejection and really pissed me off- Thanks, know-it-all for sending me down the rabbit hole. It was funny to find out I was not the only one, thus proving me right and you wrong. Sweet vindication! This was my FESTIVUS MIRACLE!!!!!!!!!!
Please air feel free to Air your own grievances below.
*These are fictitious rants (mostly). My family rocks and I'd never wish my pooch harm.