Monday, November 1, 2010

I Liz-Lemoned my Agent Interview

I totally Liz Lemoned my agent interview at the New Jersey Romance Writer's Conference. Totally. If you do not know whom or what I am referring to, be gone. And come back when you are a part of decent society. Nah, just click on the links to get better acquainted with these fine gems of pop culture.

Back to me, Charli, aka Liz Lemon.

Me of all people totally botched it. Charli...the social go getter. Charli...the political schmoozer. I'm the girl who WROTE THE PITCH posts and I totally Lemoned the entire thing. But, in 30 Rock fashion, no....Liz Lemon fashion, I triumphed. The journey was quite comical. Please, follow along.
This agent totally Donaghyed me. So cool, calm, and collected. So in tune with the business. I sat in awe of him. Looking back I think I sounded more like Tracy Jordan at first, but I digress.

I prepped the whole night before. Jaws and I even got index cards. Woot. I had my business cards ready, all my pitches memorized, I was totally ready. TOTALLY. These other nerds have no idea how prepped I am.

So, here I am in the waiting room, waiting for my first appointment. The one with Donaghy, the great agent with great personality and a very nice smile. I am Charli. Chatter and schmoozer extraordinaire. I am soo ready. They had Kenny in the waiting room, handing out Mentos and calming nerves. So nice. Very thoughtful, really.
Glancing around there were Tracy and Jenna types, you know, other authors clamoring and freaking out a bit. So glad that wasn't me. I was so cool sitting there. Liz Lemonesque, for sure. Unaware of the impending doom ahead. Anywho. I watch and am so happy JAWS and I stayed up until 3AM prepping. This appointment is already in the bag. Take that nerds!

I walk in and there is Donaghy. Hello, will the real Liz Lemon please stand up? My mouth suddenly feels like I ate a case of cheesy blasters. Where the hell did my cool go? Tracy and Jenna took it. Damn them!  I was ready. I was prepared. What the frig happened?
Donaghy smiles and is so nice. I introduce myself. Donaghy remembers me from commenting on his blog. I am not a stalker. I am not a stalker. I say over and over to myself. We exchange cordial banter then he asks me.....he asks me about my friggin' book. What book. I wrote a book? I gulp. Of course I did. My hands shake twiddling with my index cards.

Donaghy reaches across and taps my hands. I look up and I am suddenly calm. Donaghy is like Jesus himself. I hear the "Ahh" behind him. I see the light. I can breathe. I finally hand over my business card. He likes, really likes it. I give him a copy of my query and synop, again he is impressed.
Then, his eyebrows go up, waiting for me to continue. Damn. Now I have to talk about the book. I fidget with the index cards. My hands are tapped again. Donaghy tells me they are not needed and to relax. I do.

Point blank, he asks what my book is about. And it just flows like butter, cheesy blasting butter. I am totally rockin it. In the zone man. Woot woot. Bottom line. I nail a partial. A friggin' partial. JAWS nails a full with Jack later. Biotch was totally spying on my skills.
You are asking...What is the lesson within all this Lemon? Here it is.

Agents are really like us, people. How you'd explain what your story is about to your friends or a new crit partner is how you should approach pitch appointments. I pray this totally rockin agent likes what I am about to submit. Cause, she, ah-hem, he- was really nice, gentle, and supportive.

This first meeting is what led to TWO editors requesting a submission. I was totally prepared for them. Thanks Jack Donaghy, you're the best!


  1. I enjoyed the humorous spin you put on a really stressful situation. It's only funny later! This gives me guts to perhaps blog what happened to me once! Congratulations for nailing it three times!

  2. Charli, this is hilarious and so what I needed to read tonight. We so tend to over think everything sometimes. Congrats and glad it went so great.

  3. Sheri. Own it. Blog it. Nailed the chats, gotta nail the submissions.

    Stacy. Glad to bring ya a laugh. I totally overthought the whole thing.

  4. U have such an imagination, Charli! Luv it!! LOL

  5. Did you just coin a phrase? Liz Lemon. Or after the fact––Liz Lemoned.
    I wonder...should it be hyphenated? Liz-Lemoned?

    Hahahaha! Always enjoy your teachable moments, Charli.


  6. Thanks Mart, It's pretty non-stop in me addled brain.

    Jill, totally hyphenate. Liz-Lemoned. You heard it here first!


  7. Wow, I was on the edge of my seat for this one.

    Congrats!!!! :D