Friday, October 1, 2010

Hallelu-yer! Fictional Agent Friday. MADEA in da House!

MADEA made bail. She's out and ready for those publishers and editors. She strapped b*tches.

Who wouldn't want MADEA for their literary agent?

She brings a gun, some Jesus, and a kick ass attitude. Can't you just see her across the table from the big dogs. Hair- coiffed. Glasses- adjusted. Gun- loaded. I think she'd even beat Ari. And you know I love me some Ari.

Not convinced yet? Here are some of Madea's most famous lines.

Mable 'Madea' Simmons: Joe. Did that thing just push you?

Joe: Sho did. She don't know about us. We Baptist. We tear this place up.
Mable 'Madea' Simmons: Girl, I will set it off up in here. I will do a drive-by in this church. She don't know me. You better be glad you at church. Jesus just saved your life, Hallelu-yer!

Mable 'Madea' Simmons: You don't know me. I'm a straight-up thug. I shot Tupac. Yes, I did. We was arguing over a parking place. I didn't kill him, though. No, that wasn't me.

Carlos: Can we have a moment alone?
Mable 'Madea' Simmons: In my house? Hell no.

Joe: I was hoping they would lock you the hell up.
Mable 'Madea' Simmons: The only thing locked up around here is your bowels. Now shut the hell up.

Joe: We don't want it. Return to sender.
Mable 'Madea' Simmons: I remember I sent you somewhere too and you came back with something. It still itching?
Joe: Yo' momma. Aw hell that's my momma too

Madea advises that "If you don't know how to be by yourself, what are you going to do with somebody else?"

In summary, Madea teaches that raw emotion is a dominant part of life that should not be swept under the rug... but dealt with. You learn "It's doesn't matter what people call you, it only matters what you answer to". You learn to let things go and that is all you need to know!

I double doggie dare publishers to say no to her.

Next week?



Don Draper


  1. Yes' Ma'am! She would be my dream agent! She's loyal as an old dog, but will rip off your head and spit down your neck if you cross the line. I'd like to see some big shot publisher to tell her no! hehe...As for next week, I have yet to see Mad Men, and I was a kid when Dallas was on. Based on the amount of emmys, golden globes, and healthy looking actresses on the show (hello Christina Hendricks) I'll pick Don Draper.