A Game of Queries

In my quest for Literary Representation I shall be thence forth called Tenacious C. Imagine an arena filled with agents, writers, and publishers. In the ring I am the one wearing a fiery red and orange spandex unitard with a big C emblazoned upon my chest.

A bit much? Maybe.

Okay, so a little while back an agent rejected me and that single rejection propelled me to a place I never expected to be. But let me back track a bit. (Insert Wayne's World Time Travel Effects.)

With my Editor requests, which I am so blessed and lucky to have, I went on a massive query fest. The quest did not go so well. Some of my writing peeps hit me over the head when inquiring about the epic query fail. They screamed at me to query agents who rep Commercial and General Fiction. See, I'd been limiting myself to agents who rep Women's Fiction and/or Romance. What was I thinking, I know, I know.

So, I cast my net wider. Got some bites. Then this kind agent told me she had to regretfully pass. Her plate was too full. But she went on to say she did not come to this decision lightly. That from my sample pages she could see why editors were reading my MS. Then she said something that changed everything. "If you're tenacious enough with this you will be successful."

At first I clicked it off into the another rejection pile. But her words kept coming back to me. One word in particular.

Tenacious.

te·na·cious/təˈnāSHəs/Adjective:

1.Not readily letting go of, giving up, or separated from an object that one holds, a position, or a principle: "a tenacious grip".

2.Not easily dispelled or discouraged; persisting in existence or in a course of action: "a tenacious legend".

Yeah, that sounds like me with this novel, my baby, my first born if you will. See, I'd read an article that said you probably won't sell "the book of your heart". It kind of deflated me. So much rang true but this book of my heart keeps beating within me. Something about it won't quit. As if it's tenaciously clinging to my bloodstream.

Anywho, two weeks later at a writing conference I pitched to an agent, Agent Lovely I shall call her. 

This pic reminds me of her. Lovely. Elegant. Poised. And ready to make coffee, bake a pie, and sit down for a nice long chat. Agent Lovely turned the pitch into a 20 minute lesson. She wondered why I didn't tell her immediately that editors are reading it and about my contest wins. She also asked about my query status. I told her the honest truth. Then she hit me over the proverbial head with a smile as if saying in that southern way, "Bless your heart." 

Agent Lovely informed me I am no a cold query. I have credentials.

Huh? Exsqueeze me? What the what? I haven't been published. I have no agent. How in the hells do I have Scribe Street Cred?

Hit over the head again. Bless my little naive heart again.

Her answer:Major publishing houses are considering my work and I do not have an agent. I won/finaled in contests.

Oh. That stuff. I never gave myself enough credit for all that. All that hard work, blood, sweat, and tears. And don't forget all those ledge moments, the cyber breakdowns, and woe is me phone calls to JAWS. I never let all that sink in and register. For me, without an agent I felt insignificant in this writing world. One among the masses.

Agent Lovely went on to tell me I should be querying agents by leading off with my contest wins and editors submissions. That I can even query those closed to submissions. The worse that could happen? I hear nothing. Big deal, she says. See, the fool I am thought this agent wouldn't even be interested in my work. Being that she reps mostly non-fiction and that Women's Fiction isn't even one of her genres of interest on her Agency Bio. But the conference bio did mention she is actively seeking WF. And she was. Agent Lovely went onto to ask for a partial. Yay!

All this agently advice settled in my wee battered noggin over the next week and Tenacious C emerged.

I re-queried agents who'd rejected me the year before.

I queried agents not open to submissions.

I queried agents via email when they only accept snail.

I tenaciously queried my tookus off.

To date, I have 11 total submissions, only one is a partial. I am still awaiting to hear news on 9. One invited me to revise and resubmit. They wanted to see some things changed. I'll wait to hear from the other agents before jumping into edits. Bottom line, this agent loved my story and got my characters in a way no one else has. Another agency extended an invitation to submit my full exclusively. So, if the other agents pass, I can send to them.

You have no idea how nervous, excited, superstitious, and superstitiously nervous with excitement I am. Hopefully my next post will be about how I now have a Literary Agent!


**Please, do not take this post as an invitation to query at will. I broke rules with this query fest but did so with the advice of professionals.**

I Liz-Lemoned my Agent Interview

I totally Liz Lemoned my agent interview at the New Jersey Romance Writer's Conference. Totally. If you do not know whom or what I am referring to, be gone. And come back when you are a part of decent society. Nah, just click on the links to get better acquainted with these fine gems of pop culture.

Back to me, Charli, aka Liz Lemon.

Me of all people totally botched it. Charli...the social go getter. Charli...the political schmoozer. I'm the girl who WROTE THE PITCH posts and I totally Lemoned the entire thing. But, in 30 Rock fashion, no....Liz Lemon fashion, I triumphed. The journey was quite comical. Please, follow along.

This agent totally Donaghyed me. So cool, calm, and collected. So in tune with the business. I sat in awe of him. Looking back I think I sounded more like Tracy Jordan at first, but I digress.

I prepped the whole night before. Jaws and I even got index cards. Woot. I had my business cards ready, all my pitches memorized, I was totally ready. TOTALLY. These other nerds have no idea how prepped I am.

So, here I am in the waiting room, waiting for my first appointment. The one with Donaghy, the great agent with great personality and a very nice smile. I am Charli. Chatter and schmoozer extraordinaire. I am soo ready. They had Kenny in the waiting room, handing out Mentos and calming nerves. So nice. Very thoughtful, really.

Glancing around there were Tracy and Jenna types, you know, other authors clamoring and freaking out a bit. So glad that wasn't me. I was so cool sitting there. Liz Lemonesque, for sure. Unaware of the impending doom ahead. Anywho. I watch and am so happy JAWS and I stayed up until 3AM prepping. This appointment is already in the bag. Take that nerds!

I walk in and there is Donaghy. Hello, will the real Liz Lemon please stand up? My mouth suddenly feels like I ate a case of cheesy blasters. Where the hell did my cool go? Tracy and Jenna took it. Damn them!  I was ready. I was prepared. What the frig happened?

Donaghy smiles and is so nice. I introduce myself. Donaghy remembers me from commenting on his blog. I am not a stalker. I am not a stalker. I say over and over to myself. We exchange cordial banter then he asks me.....he asks me about my friggin' book. What book. I wrote a book? I gulp. Of course I did. My hands shake twiddling with my index cards.

Donaghy reaches across and taps my hands. I look up and I am suddenly calm. Donaghy is like Jesus himself. I hear the "Ahh" behind him. I see the light. I can breathe. I finally hand over my business card. He likes, really likes it. I give him a copy of my query and synop, again he is impressed.

Then, his eyebrows go up, waiting for me to continue. Damn. Now I have to talk about the book. I fidget with the index cards. My hands are tapped again. Donaghy tells me they are not needed and to relax. I do.

Point blank, he asks what my book is about. And it just flows like butter, cheesy blasting butter. I am totally rockin it. In the zone man. Woot woot. Bottom line. I nail a partial. A friggin' partial. JAWS nails a full with Jack later. Biotch was totally spying on my skills.

You are asking...What is the lesson within all this Lemon? Here it is.

Agents are really like us, people. How you'd explain what your story is about to your friends or a new crit partner is how you should approach pitch appointments. I pray this totally rockin agent likes what I am about to submit. Cause, she, ah-hem, he- was really nice, gentle, and supportive.

This first meeting is what led to TWO editors requesting a submission. I was totally prepared for them. Thanks Jack Donaghy, you're the best!

FAMOUS AUTHORS DIDN'T KNOW SQUAT EITHER!

I am tired of people telling me about rules, people who yet to have their all knowing asses publish a single word. (I am not talking about my crit partner. JAWS scares the shit out of me.) I am talking about those people who always chat about the industry, of what is accepted, yada… what is considered popular, yada… and what will NOT get me published, YADA friggin YADA!

When I read how some of my favorite authors got in the business, I laughed! Here are some facts people:

Nicholas Sparks’ The Notebook was in the slush pile of one agent, when another perused said pile and the title caught her eye. The rest is tear jerking history.

Stephanie Meyer sent out fifteen, as she put, sucky queries, and finally an agent bit. Tweeners have never been the same, well since NKOTB!

Dan Brown was a failed musician and wanna-be pop-star, no shit, before his little story about a guy who searched for the literal Holy Grail became the world’s best selling novel to date.

Jodi Picoult started out writing for DC Comics, the Wonder Woman series! Double no shit!

Nora Roberts’ first six manuscripts were all rejected by Harlequin. She later got published and we all know she’s lived happily ever after.

Many authors talk about how they got started. And there is a similar theme. Pesky characters clamoring about their wee noggins. Voices that would not be silenced. Did they know about all the rules, NO. Did they know how to write a query, NO. A synopsis, NO.

Bottom line, they all had some damned good stories to tell. And they had a damned good way of telling them.

I stand firm that I believe in my characters. I love them, am really in love with them all. Not only that, I love writing. I love the crazy ups and downs. I love making my characters breathe. And I want the masses to love them too.

So, with all these facts I know I am in a good place. I have great critters, friends, and supporters cheering me on. My daughter and niece can’t believe I am doing this and I have even caught them writing stories. My BFF finally read my first three chaps and the way she described being drawn into their world made me tear up. My hubby, the alpha male, believes every sex scene I write is no doubt all about him. The ego, but it has made for some interesting evenings, being that he feels he is always on a stage!

If my fellow critique partners, friends, and family get what I am doing, then somewhere…out there…someone in the industry may too.

Charli Mac, signing out.

***THIS IS A RECYCLED POST FROM ANOTHER BLOG I POSTED ON. FUNNY HOW I PUMP MYSELF UP HERE, THE CHARLI THEN WOULD BE SO DISAPPOINTED IN ME NOW. THERE IS NO ASPIRING AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT TODAY. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN A SPOTLIGHT, EMAIL US. WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU. ;)

QUERY ME THIS...

There are times I walk around in unadulterated denial. The world around me has gone mad, for I am surely NOT the crazy one. Ha! How could I be the crazy one? 

I am not walking around in my underwear setting the world on fire! I have thought about it though....

This world, the publishing world, IS NUCKIN' FUTS! I am, like I said, completely sane.

I am not typing with my toes or my nose, held tight in the restraints of a straight-jacket. I did not just have a conversation with my dead grandfather, who looks fantastic by the way. I am a normal writer. A writer who is searching for the truth and while on that journey came across some interesting information.

Information that we are not supposed to know. If THEY knew we knew well then who knows what would happen.

The DICtionary holds information people forget is there. Shh. I will let you in on a secret, but promise not to tell anyone...

que·ry /ˈkwɪəri/ –noun
1. a question; an inquiry. We pose the question, am I publishing material? Do I have what it takes to be a PUBLISHED AUTHOR and for YOU TO REPRESENT ME...

2. mental reservation; doubt. You read correctly. The plot thickens. By definition the QUERY is already set up in their favor. Oh, yeah. By definition when they open up our INQUIRY they already have their finger on the delete button.

3. Printing . a question mark (?), esp. as added on a manuscript, proof sheet, or the like, indicating doubt as to some point in the text.  RE-HEEL-HEELY, Ace Ventura once said. Even the question mark has a subtle innuendo that failure is inevitable. OH THE HORROR. THE TRUTH! WHY OH WHY MERRIAM WEBSTER DO YOU TAUNT ME SO!!!!

4. an inquiry from a writer to an editor of a magazine, newspaper, etc., regarding the acceptability of or interest in an idea for an article, news story, or the like: usually presented in the form of a letter that outlines or describes the projected piece.  WHY IS OUR DEFINITION LAST? WHY OH WHY I ASK AND NO ONE ANSWERS.

You want to be a published author, you want YOUR stories to be shared with the world. You feel that your characters will somehow make this world a better place to live in. That your world is a great escape from ours.

You work, learn the craft, build, create, sweat, bleed, laugh, cry, and all for the one inevitable truth.

YOU WILL FAIL.

That's right. You WILL fail.

But it's not about how many times you get knocked down, it's about how many times YOU GET BACK UP. A famous Philly character said that, if you can guess who, you get a prize.

The query is a shameless whore. There, I said it again. She is. And it's all about packaging and propositioning. The wrong approach will have disastrous results.

I am taking a QUERY WORKSHOP now, a month long, with a published author. It's crazy, confusing and has me trying to shape and mold my story into neat little boxes, catchy boxes that have glitter, a bedazzled square peg if you will.

But I don't fit any boxes. I have been wracking my brain on some pitching exercises and I keep hitting  a brick wall.

My CP says maybe its because I wrote the BREAKOUT novel, there is nothing to compare it to. While, I don't believe she is stroking my ego, it's hard to think about your work so egotistically. I mean deep down we all believe our stories are worth telling but BREAKOUT. Doubt it. But I hope...

I hope my query finally gets to where it needs to be. My problem is I have ten versions. 10. Each day I like a different one. This is not easy. Writing my second WIP is easier. And that's hasn't been all roses either.

Maybe we should CRIT queries on Sundays instead of hearing my rants. I mean, I rant on Tuesdays don't forget. You must be getting bored by now.

So, in the meantime, I am off to make my HO the most presentable. I am working to take my query from this:

TO

THIS

THEN MAYBE I WILL GET THIS

Hope your weekend was grand. Until the next time. ~Charli