Sunday, August 8, 2010


There are times I walk around in unadulterated denial. The world around me has gone mad, for I am surely NOT the crazy one. Ha! How could I be the crazy one? 

I am not walking around in my underwear setting the world on fire! I have thought about it though....

This world, the publishing world, IS NUCKIN' FUTS! I am, like I said, completely sane.

I am not typing with my toes or my nose, held tight in the restraints of a straight-jacket. I did not just have a conversation with my dead grandfather, who looks fantastic by the way. I am a normal writer. A writer who is searching for the truth and while on that journey came across some interesting information.

Information that we are not supposed to know. If THEY knew we knew well then who knows what would happen.

The DICtionary holds information people forget is there. Shh. I will let you in on a secret, but promise not to tell anyone...

que·ry /ˈkwɪəri/ –noun
1. a question; an inquiry. We pose the question, am I publishing material? Do I have what it takes to be a PUBLISHED AUTHOR and for YOU TO REPRESENT ME...

2. mental reservation; doubt. You read correctly. The plot thickens. By definition the QUERY is already set up in their favor. Oh, yeah. By definition when they open up our INQUIRY they already have their finger on the delete button.

3. Printing . a question mark (?), esp. as added on a manuscript, proof sheet, or the like, indicating doubt as to some point in the text.  RE-HEEL-HEELY, Ace Ventura once said. Even the question mark has a subtle innuendo that failure is inevitable. OH THE HORROR. THE TRUTH! WHY OH WHY MERRIAM WEBSTER DO YOU TAUNT ME SO!!!!

4. an inquiry from a writer to an editor of a magazine, newspaper, etc., regarding the acceptability of or interest in an idea for an article, news story, or the like: usually presented in the form of a letter that outlines or describes the projected piece.  WHY IS OUR DEFINITION LAST? WHY OH WHY I ASK AND NO ONE ANSWERS.

You want to be a published author, you want YOUR stories to be shared with the world. You feel that your characters will somehow make this world a better place to live in. That your world is a great escape from ours.

You work, learn the craft, build, create, sweat, bleed, laugh, cry, and all for the one inevitable truth.


That's right. You WILL fail.

But it's not about how many times you get knocked down, it's about how many times YOU GET BACK UP. A famous Philly character said that, if you can guess who, you get a prize.

The query is a shameless whore. There, I said it again. She is. And it's all about packaging and propositioning. The wrong approach will have disastrous results.

I am taking a QUERY WORKSHOP now, a month long, with a published author. It's crazy, confusing and has me trying to shape and mold my story into neat little boxes, catchy boxes that have glitter, a bedazzled square peg if you will.

But I don't fit any boxes. I have been wracking my brain on some pitching exercises and I keep hitting  a brick wall.

My CP says maybe its because I wrote the BREAKOUT novel, there is nothing to compare it to. While, I don't believe she is stroking my ego, it's hard to think about your work so egotistically. I mean deep down we all believe our stories are worth telling but BREAKOUT. Doubt it. But I hope...

I hope my query finally gets to where it needs to be. My problem is I have ten versions. 10. Each day I like a different one. This is not easy. Writing my second WIP is easier. And that's hasn't been all roses either.

Maybe we should CRIT queries on Sundays instead of hearing my rants. I mean, I rant on Tuesdays don't forget. You must be getting bored by now.

So, in the meantime, I am off to make my HO the most presentable. I am working to take my query from this:

Hope your weekend was grand. Until the next time. ~Charli


  1. Damn, this querying crap really is sounding like a huge, steaming pile of horse manure.
    I'm in the process of writing my query. And boy, it's hard. I keep trying to tell myself that it really isn't as hard as I'm making it out to be, but I can't fool that part of my brain that KNOWS it is. The query has to be just right--no room for error. I really am like a hooker in a looooooong line of other hookers, trying to make myself stand out just enough for some John/Johnette to notice me and say, hey, I'll give ya a try.
    Yeah . . . this sounds like soooo much fun....not, but I have to do this. I can't turn back now--hell, I don't want to turn back. I believe in my story and myself....

  2. Someday I hope to achieve a query that works. I figure that will be somewhere around the year 2085.

  3. Brenda, the line is long and I am all about guarding my corner.

    JM, 2085, you'll still beat me. ;)

  4. LOL!! Wait, I can't get past that first pic! Haha! WTF?? Where do you find these pictures to post? LOL!! I'll have to come back later after I stop laughing so hard and comment then...

  5. Well, this pic was easy. Last year at the Mac family Reunion Crazy Uncle Joe got into the moonshine and Aunt Edna's closet. Someone put in an old school 80's cd and Midnight Oil's Beds R Burning came on. That's all the inspiration Uncle Joe needed, that and lighter fluid. We made popcorn and watched in awe.

  6. Querying sucks.

    Do not give it so much power. Make a game out of it. Keep refining your query, while you write your next story and your next and your next...

    Your best revenge is to enjoy what you are doing and along the way, find a wonderful agent and publisher. It will all happen, if you want it enough.

  7. Great advice Jill. :) I like to play games... hee hee. You just don't want to screw up your shot with your dream agent. But this query class with CJ Lyons has been pretty eye opening. And confusing. LOL.

    My second WIP is coming along. And yes, I am having fun.