TALES FROM THE LEDGE~PASS THE SCOTCH

CHARLI: Why are you on my ledge? ‘Tis Tuesday. MY DAY. Go back to yer shark tank.

AJ: Your day? YOUR DAY? Dude, ye don’t own Tuesday. Umm am I the only stable one around here.

CHARLI: Stable? You’re on a ledge talking to yerself, far from stable lassie. Yer wits are addled. What troubles ye?

AJ: Addled, aye, between the heat, my toddler and the lack of heroine, er, my heroine, i.e. writing I’ve had in the last few days, I’m feeling a wee bit jittery. I received another rejection on a partial, but not even that is troublesome. ‘Tis the industry that gets me. Are ye feeling me? ‘Tis outdated, too slow, like dial up, and entirely too focused on agents, not WRITERS. If it were not for US, there would be no THEM. They need us. Yeah, yeah, their busy, but who isint? Thoughts? A Scotch? If yer making one, I’ll take a double.

CHARLI: Move over. Here’s yer drink. Sip slow, I ain’t going back in fer a while. Cheers! We’re women of action. I suggest we stop yappin and start DOING. Ye with me? Stop guzzling that drink, woman!

AJ: (belch) Aye, I'm with ye - just gimme a minute to hollar at all the bitches inside ... GET OUT THE WAY AJ & CHARLI ARE COMING IN. There, I feel better, you? I'm not used to waiting for what I want to come to me, I go for what I want. Writing the next novel while querying the other is all well and good, but seeing that taste - the subjective bitch - rules all no mater how good the writing, seems to me finding an agent is almost like finding a needle in the proverbial haystack. Passing the LSAT is easier than trying to get published.

CHARLI: True. So how do you suggest we kick the publishing industries ass? A coup? An invasion? We each take an agency over at gunpoint forcing them to read and respond to all queries? (laughs manically) We would eventually go to jail ... not verra productive.

AJ: LMAO, while yer wit cheers me lass, jail willnae help us get published, and since yer hubby is a cop, and mine is on his way ... There needs to be more options for authors. Like e-pubs, e-books, publishing is changing, and I'm sure the big guns know it. Change works, some may not like it, but if enough people adhere to it, they will have no choice but to listen. Am I suggesting self-publishing? No. I want to make money, not spend it. But having an Agency, for Authors, manned by authors, is verra appealing.

CHARLI: Aye. What about a place for agents and authors to meet halfway?

AJ: Halfway is grand. There are times we read agencies book lists and think to ourselves, there is nothing here that is even close to what I write ...what then? What if you don't fit into a hole though your forced to search for one you do?

CHARLI: (shrugs and takes a big swallow) Maybe small pubs? But the time for self promoting ... I have a full time job ... When I feel some cyber connection to an agent I get a form. ‘Tis like dating I suppose. But I skipped all that by marrying my High School sweetheart.

AJ: Most writers do have a full time jobs ... but just because an agency or pub is small doesn't necessarily mean there subjective tasters will bite what you've written. 'Tis hard to find an agent or pub if you can't fit into the hole. So why not have a place where agents can peruse an author’s work? Maybe the first few pages to get a REAL feel for the flavor and voice of an author. Yeah, yeah, their busy, they have a huge workload, we all do. Their people like you and I. And really, the more I read, the more I begin to realize a query letter is a set up for disappointment, not intrigue ... If in less than 250 words you can't grab an agents attention, than bam, delete.

CHARLI: Hey, we should write a book; How to lose an agent in 10 days (laughs)

AJ: LMAO

CHARLI: Why should we have to boil our work down to 250 words or less?

AJ: The more I re-work my query the more I seem to be trying to be something, or write something I'm not, I lose my voice, and my voice is all I've got. Yeah, why? This makes me have a ledge moment!

CHARLI: Our work should speak for itself.

AJ: Aye it should. We’re ALPHA take no prisoners kind of gals, we don't WAIT for people to give us permission. We’re the ones directing traffic.

Charli and AJ clink their glasses together, pour another round, and ready spit-balls for unsuspecting people below. Muha ha ha ha ……….